


A Wish to Myself

by speedofsound



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, THE iDOLM@STER: SideM
Genre: SideM Secret Santa 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 03:12:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17256518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speedofsound/pseuds/speedofsound
Summary: We really do end up where we belong, even if it's different from what we imagined.Fic for watanuki_moon on twitter.





	A Wish to Myself

Halfheartedly grabbing his coat off the coat rack, Ryu mumbled incoherent complaints to himself. The early morning chill of December didn’t help, slapped him across the face as he opened the back door. In an attempt to warm up, he rubbed his hands together vigorously, almost like trying to start a fire in his palms.

"My day off... Why do I still gotta clean..."

Unfortunately, being a fresh idol on the rise didn't keep his mom from nagging him to clean the backyard shed for the upcoming new year.

After the long week of practice, radio interviews and magazine photo shoots to promote their upcoming live, Ryu’s mind was filled with constant thoughts about sleeping the Sunday away under the warmth of his plush comforter. The desire was so strong that just the other day he even tripped on a sidewalk crack while daydreaming about it, nearly injuring himself had it not been for Seiji's quick reflexes. Now he found himself kneeling on the floor, attempting to sort through the miscellaneous items that his family somehow inherited along the years.

"I'm not sure what's inside," his mother said when springing the task on him the previous night. "But don't throw away anything important!"

_If it was important, it wouldn't be in there!_

Indeed, as Ryu shuffled through the first box he found that its contents were the sort of inconsequential stuff that piled up while you least expected it: A worn out coloring book not even a third completed, a toy car missing a wheel, an instruction manual for a television set Ryu was sure no longer existed... Although it ruined his plans for the day, perhaps it was a good thing to sort this stuff out.

He just wished it wasn’t him who had to do it.

In fact, if he had known about the house-wide new year preparation earlier that week, he would have have asked Amehiko Kuzunoha to assist him. The leader of Legenders was a former janitor, after all. At least he’d enjoy it. Taking out each object one by one, he gave them a brief examination before placing them in one of three piles: a pile of things doomed to be tossed in the trash, a pile which will make its way to the thrift shop, and a pile to be brought back inside to be safely kept away. Unfortunately, if this was a contest, the junk pile was leagues ahead of the competition.

As he kept going through the items, Ryu pulled out a toy firetruck, causing him to pause. This wasn’t the first firefighter related thing he uncovered. Earlier he also found a toy badge, and an old picture he drew in crayon of himself as an actual firefighter. He didn’t think much about it at first. He was over and done with that line of work, and had moved on to the world of idols. But seeing all these things did make him remember _why_ he wanted to become a firefighter in the first place.

“To help people...”

Glancing over to the picture he drew, he wondered if his child self could have imagined that he’d reach that goal… only to let it slip away because of his own bad luck. He didn’t regret where he found himself now, but he wondered if they would have been disappointed to see he couldn’t remain in uniform.

“Sorry....” Ryu couldn’t help but say to the memory of his younger self. The more he thought about it, guilt began settling in. Dreams and desires changed as one grew up. Yet, it still felt bad to think that the life he dreamed of for all those years didn’t turn out how he wanted. “It probably wasn’t meant to be….”

Eager to move on from the heavy feeling which began to loom over him, Ryu finished off the first box and proceeded to open another. A burst of dust greeted him upon opening it up. Coughing, he tried to wave the cloud of dust away, wiping his eyes to clear his vision.

_This one’s pretty old…_

Unlike the previous one, this was full of books. He grabbed a few at a time, finding he had something akin to a library. They were all different types: old manga magazines, cook books, furniture manuals that no longer served their purpose. It was enticing just to dump everything into the garbage. Nothing in this box seemed useful anymore.

It’s potential, however, had yet to be seen. Just when he was sure everything was junk, something caught Ryu’s eye. Peeking out underneath an old encyclopedia, he saw a weathered cover of a composition notebook. His name was written in pencil at the bottom right corner, barely visible with the course of time.  

_Is this…_

Pulling it out of the box, his lips slowly stretched into a nostalgic smile once the memory returned. It was a journal from his elementary school years, used to practice writing and composition. Aside from the cover which had faded a bit, he found the writing and drawings within had retained his vibrancy. In his quick skim through, he chuckled at what Little Ryu had to say about things like school, his family, and his favorite things.

"I guess going through this stuff isn't so bad!"

He was about to close the notebook when he noticed the drawing on the last page. Titled: _Letter to Myself,_ Ryu had simply drawn himself at the top of the page with blue shorts, an orange shirt, and a big smile on his face.

 

_Dear Ryu,_

_Hello. I am 10 year old you! I like dogs, firefighters, and playing outside. The school year is almost ending, and this is my last journal entry. How old are you now? What kind of things do you like? I guess I have a lot of wishes for the future, but my biggest wish is that you will always have fun and be happy._

_Well, take care!_

_Ryu_

 

After mulling over the letter and staring at his scraggly “Well, take care!” for what seemed like an eternity, he finally set the notebook down.

These days, life moved so fast that Ryu barely had time to reminisce about the past. He was on a rollercoaster of training sessions, wardrobe fittings, interviews, and appearances. And he just made his official debut! Even though he was far from a top star, that just made him work even harder -- spending more time than required practicing at home or the office, often with his unit mates who all had the same drive as he did. He learned new things about himself every day, gaining confidence with each goal achieved -- big or small. Although the circumstance which lead him to this new life were far from lucky, every day was exciting. Most importantly, he was able to gain two brothers and a loyal friend through FRAME and Producer.

Smiling, his earlier worries began to melt off his shoulders. There was no reason to apologize to his younger self. Everything younger Ryu wanted, the Ryu of the present had.

_Don’t worry, Little Ryu. I am happy._

Making a mental note to read through the journal properly at a later time, he resumed his task with newfound vigor. Although his hands were still cold, his heart was just a little warmer. He might not have been the firefighter his younger self had dreamed about, but Ryu did find the happiness that he always desired.

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by Angela Aki's incredible song, Tegami (Haikei Juugo no Kimi e).


End file.
